Saturday, September 03, 2005

You Sang To Me

i just wanted you to comfort me
when I called you late last night you see
i was fallin' into love
oh yes, i was crashin' into love
oh of all the words you sang to me
about life, the truth and bein' free
yea you sang to me, oh how you sang to me
girl i live off how you make me feel
so i question all this bein' real cuz i'm not afraid to love
for the first time i'm not afraid of love oh, this day seems made for you and me
and you showed me what life needs to be
yea you sang to me, oh you sang to me all the while you were in front of me i never realized
i jus' can't believe i didn't see it in your eyes i didn't see it, i can't believe it oh but i feel it
when you sing to me how i long to hear you sing beneath the clear blue skies and i promise you this time i'll see it in your eyes i didn't see it, i can't believe it oh but i feel it when u sing to me just to think you live inside of me i had no idea how this could be now i'm crazy for your love can't believe i'm crazy for your love the words you said you sang to me and you showed me where i wanna be yea you sang to me, oh you sang to me

Saturday, April 23, 2005

2nd-The first time....

Once we were roaming wild as teenagers, chatting and fooling around. Getting to know new people, flirting and having fun. As one fine day I saw someone with the nick “Ameera”, chatting on her own in one of the major channels in IRC. Talking and mumbling alone to herself.

Ameera: hi all….how are u guysss….yuhuuuuuu…anybody hereeeeeeeee…
Ameera: why is nobody answering?…where are you guys. Hellooooo….

Looking at this tickling scenario, which of course nobody will chat in the major channels, unless for private channels…I went on clicking her name and start the conversation.

TAGTGREN: hi, age/sex/location?

Ameera: hi, 21, female, United States

TAGTGREN: ok then. Take care. I thought you’re locals.

Ameera: Wait..wait. you haven’t introduce yourself yet.

TAGTGREN: 18/male/Malaysia, kedah

Ameera: kedah?..northern part of Malaysia right?]


Ameera: I love kedah people. They are nice. Can I have your phone number?

TAGTGREN: You want to call from US? Are you nuts or something? Or are you from
Ulu Selangor instead of United States that you proclaimed.

Ameera: It’s ok. My dad will pay the bills for me.

TAGTGREN: 04-4893597

Ameera: Thanks! Call u later.

TAGTGREN: You’re welcome! (hope you’re not fooling around)

As an 18 year old boy at that time, nothing’s special at that time. My only world was the internet, music and my circle of friends. We had a world of our own. A world that we’re so proud with. To lay down and stay low within the underground music movement. Being rebellions through musical instruments, lyrical expressions and unearthly music of sober, woes and sadness. Of course at that time, love was something out of the questions. At times when Internet and IRC was booming all around Asean countries and kids went crazy chatting around from dusk until dawn, repeating in cycles. Making a lot of friends from the country wide, its fun! Adults wouldn’t understand our world at that time. But like I said previously, this Internet thing helped me change a lot. I was never a speaker or an oralist like I am now (as what claimed by friends). Was never with the confidence that I might at least have the power to speak and embrace myself to the world that I can speak and introduce myself to the outside world. My world was only the Internet and the underground world. Amongst the circle of friends that shares the same ideas, music and ideologies.

On that very day, Friday which I can never recall the exact date and it happened in 1998. I was about to go out and hangout with my band mates at out favorite mamak stall, the phone rang. I’m totally forgot about the lady that I’ve chatted before. She was never in my mind’s list that she would call. Of course all ladies, girls and babes expect guys to make the move and call. I was only expecting ys-diablo, our band’s bass player, that would make the call, reminding me our hangout time before Friday prayer. Then….


Ameera: Hi….

TAGTGREN: Who is it?

Ameera: Its me, ameera. We chatted just now remember?

TAGTGREN: Oh, yeah!! Kak Meera. Apa Khabar? Dah berapa lama di U.S?
(yes my sister. How are you? How long have you been studying in US?)

Ameera: Sorry. Ssaa…yaaa…ttak…ppp andaaaiiii cakap Melayu. Tapi ss aaayaa bbolehh

TAGTGREN: Ok. Sorry then. I thought you’re Malaysian furthering your studies there.

Ameera: I’m U.S citizen. I’m studying in the University of Missouri. Taking

TAGTGREN: U.S citizen? But your name, sounds like a Malay. You’re mix?

Ameera: Yup.

TAGTGREN: Where do you come from actually?

Ameera: It’s a long story. Can you hold for a while, I want to close the window.

TAGTGREN: Go ahead.

Ameera: Done. What’s your age again?

TAGTGREN: 18. And you’re 21 right?

Ameera: Yup. You’re still young.


Ameera: Maybe what? You’re still young indeed. Can I ask you something?

TAGTGREN: I beg your pardon please. Can you repeat?

Ameera: HAHAHAH. You don’t need to be so polite. If you cant get what I’m trying to
say, just ask again and say ‘what?’ hahahah.

TAGTGREN: okay then. What’s the thing that you want to ask me then.

Ameera: Are you….you’re still a virgin?

TAGTGREN: Of course I am! What a silly question. What do you expect then.

Ameera: Really?? Come on. You’re kidding me. If you’re in the U.S, your friends will
laugh at you. You’re considered naïve here. Bodoh la kamu ni. Hahaha

TAGTGREN: Hahaha. What the hell are you laughing about? Why am I considered naïve
when I’m still a virgin? In Malaysia and for the Muslims, it’s a pride for
us. It’s a responsibility for us to taking care of our virginity.

Ameera: Yeah but if you still haven’t had the sexual experience, you’re not grown up
enough. People will laugh at you little boy.

TAGTGREN: Life experience does not indicate that you must have sex to be experience
and be a grown up. Its how you direct your life that counts. If most of U.S
people bathe dirt as a common practice, are you obliged to do that? I don’t
think so. And because of that, you’re called ‘naïve’? Who’s being naïve?
Those who stand for their belief or those who blindly follow others and
accept that as something common? Malaysia is a country that most of the
populations are Muslims. As Muslims, we have our sets of rules and
regulations, that we’re told not to do this and that, and to do this and that
because of strong reasons. Not just unproven facts or myths.

Ameera: Hmmm… the way, what’s your age again? 18 or 28, hahaha.

TAGTGREN: U said just now u want to close the window. Whats the time now there in

Ameera: Whats the time there in Kedah?

TAGTGREN: 10.30am. Yours?

Ameera: 6.30pm. its getting dark and cold. When can I call you again?

TAGTGREN: I don’t know. U can call me anytime. But I prefer during the night, which I
think its daytime at your place. Night will be more convenient since my parents don’t speak English well, and they’re all sleeping at that time. By the way my friend is here. I’ve to go now. We always hangout together. Are you seriously want to call me again next time?

Ameera: I’m not promising anything. We’ll see. Take care, bye. Hey! Send my regards to
your friend.

TAGTGREN: Sure! Bye. Click.

Owh man! I am so confused!. I’ve talked to a U.S citizen just now, a babe and there I was. I’ve a new friend. And what’s more ‘cool’ is that she’s from U.S!!! hahaha. Got to tell my friends bout this…..

Saturday, March 12, 2005

1st episode-lady in red

Most of us will somehow relate ourselves with any lyrics available out there. Be it love song lyrics, depressive lyrics, motivational lyrics or whatsoever that ever exists. well,...lady in red was one of the songs...that reminds me of someone. Someone was once, so important to me.
It was...something 'eerie' and funny to realize that you're in love with someone that u never met, seen, touch,..or smell.., and it all heppened this thing that we call the internet.i myself dont really get to trust this kind of net relation until i bumped into one, myself.
Some of the people out there may never expect an extraordinary tragedy would happen in their lives. Be it things that cherish us with joy and hope...or something that would really pull us down to the ground and at times when we sometimes spiritually made the decision to 'quit' our lives instantly.
The lyrics i picked from eric clapton and 1 of my fave metal band, sentenced...shows a huge difference of hatred. yet somehow it relates to only 1 specific cause, LOVE. in representing my perception towards past experience of it, these 2 excellent lyrics shows it all. still, i'm not that cruel.....anybody..everybody if been given the chance to make things up better again, would do anything to have that option..again.i do. But for me, it was something..impossible.
Lady in Red, the most tragic love story i've ever bumped into...and yet..without an open mind, it would be nothing but fantasy. but as for the only person that had faced it before, with a circle of friends, its real. i can bet my life...its real.
Life itself, a void that exist extremely msyerious for humans to describe. Death, on the other hand, another form of existence which co-relates with the practical life, and essence of spiritual and physical of mankind. But when things occured, particularly in looks so vivid and yet remain unexplained. Imagine that 5 minutes ago all of us were laughing out loud and yet in a sudden we heard news upon death of our love ones. And nobody can describe how we eventually believe that we're breathing the air...whereas we have never seen the 'air' physically. Though when you put yourself in a plastic bag and choke yourself, then you'll know how important air is...eventhough we cant even see, touch or feel its presence.
So i'd say that that when it comes to concluding anybody's story which on earth sounds so ridiculously lying, think again of everysingle thing that surrounds us nowadays, nothing is logical. again...NOTHING, is logical.

Her name was Ameera Nartika Scarlet Abdullah Ameer.....

Wednesday, March 02, 2005


When you were here before
Couldn't look you in the eye
You're just like an angel
Your skin makes me cry
You float like a feather In a beautiful world
And I wish I was special
You're so very special
But I'm a creep, I'm a weirdo.
What the hell am I doing here?I don't belong here.
I don't care if it hurts I want to have control
I want a perfect body I want a perfect soul
I want you to notice When I'm not around
You're so very special I wish I was special
But I'm a creep, I'm a weirdo.
What the hell am I doing here?I don't belong here.
She's running out again, She's running out She's run run run running out...
Whatever makes you happy Whatever you want
You're so very special I wish I was special...
But I'm a creep, I'm a weirdo,
What the hell am I doing here?
I don't belong here.I don't belong here.

Saturday, February 26, 2005

No More Beating As one

She was no longer precious to me… I guess my hate grew much stronger than my love for her ever did (I was) so tired of chasing that person who made me feel loved and as we were embracing I cut and spilt the dearest blood
I'm praying for her soul as this blood on my hands stains me whole…
You were my life, from you I fed of And now parted by knife - the suicide of our love So callous and frigid was that stillborn soul… yet no other half could ever make me whole
You promised: "…'til death do us part", and then you made a stone of my heart
And with the last rays of the setting sun the loveless pulse fades away No more beating as one, no longer burns the flame
Gone are the times when I felt alive Gone are those nights with you by my side And now here I stand as the shadows grow deep… With the death on my hand at your grave I weep
We were one yet not the same… Once passion abundant, now pain
And with the last rays of the setting sun the loveless pulse fades away No more beating as one, no longer burns the flame
…Love laved with stillness like the grave in my heart and all the reasons huddled in your seeping blood…
And with the last rays of the setting sun the loveless pulse fades away No more beating as one, no longer burns the flame And with the last rays of the setting sun she bled her love away No more beating as one, no longer burns the flame

Friday, February 25, 2005

blue eyes blue

I thought that you'd be loving me. I thought you were the one who'd stay forever. But now forever's come and gone And I'm still here alone.
'Cause you were only playing, You were only playing with my heart. I was never waiting, I was never waiting for the tears to start.
It was you who put the clouds around me. It was you who made the tears fall down. It was you who broke my heart in pieces. It was you, it was you who made my blue eyes blue. Oh, I never should have trusted you.
I thought that I'd be all you need. In your eyes I thought I saw my heaven. And now my heaven's gone away And I'm out in the cold.
'Cause you had me believing, You had me believing in a lie. Guess I couldn't see it, I guess I couldn't see it till I saw goodbye.
'Cause you were only playing, You were only playing with my heart. I was never waiting, I was never waiting for the tears to start. It was you who put the clouds around me. It was you.
Oh, I never should have trusted you. Oh, I never should have trusted you. Oh, I never should have trusted you.

Wednesday, February 23, 2005


No words shall be here for the first time entering the blog world. Let them see and feel the colors of power reside by day that will never return to us in hand old existence of damned soul....years and years wondering around, embraced by these technological revolution and persistence, made hand in hand to suit what they called 'modernization'...

Thus the funny part i endup writing in a blog myself rather than an old soaked in blood diary that i used to,in my previous centuries of writings....will then i survived....

As an introduction, i will come to introduce some parts of my life...which to be disclose soon,and i dont know if its a wise thing to do or not. Its a remembrance of love....i think. Then if its not, consider it would be something that happened for real...and its real....its just that it had happened years mind me when i can hardly arrange all the memories and the exact wordings back into this time counts.....