Scarlet : the beginning of the end

Scarlet : the beginning of the end

When we talk about life, things were not always thus. Things were not always end as what we expected. It goes to how you end up your life with your career now. It goes to how you end up your plans for the future and without exception, how it ends up your love relations and friendship. Back then, I didn’t hope for something between us. Just wondering how on earth this relation will end to be. We can never expect that we will have the marriage that we always wanted. We will never expect our vision would always be the same as 10 years ago. We would never expect how and who we turn to be, other than we expected. Every story has it end. At this chapter, it’s just the beginning how everything would really end. I did not expect to fall for someone from a far. And I did not expect that things will go ‘this’ way, as you will understand it when you read further of what I’ve written below. Not like a bolly nor Hollywood story where things will always be ‘heroes always win the battle’. Stories, histories, aren’t told only about winning the battle. Sometimes it acts as guidance. Sometimes loosing a bit, was part of winning the big. I’ve been through the process. Falling and failing for the 8^th time recently. Frustrated? Sorrow? Those, I believe are words of failures and confusion. Life goes on. People come and go. People live and die. Giving up and suicide? Out of the context. Life is hell, and beautiful. It’s hell when you make one. It’s beautiful when you make one. Is it fair just to be beautiful just between the lovers and hell for others? That’s selfish. Why not, making the world beautiful for all f us? It is worth to enjoy the beauty of life just the two of you? Or is it heavenly beautiful to make life, a beauty enjoyed amongst all? We can choose to be selfish. We can choose to be those who struggle for others. Pain of struggling for others, are the virtues of beauty shared amongst others that need. Joy of ignorance, are virtues of suffering. As people, we’re often confused with joy and pain. Looking the world around us from our own ego-centric individualistic views, brought us joy. But looking ad understanding the world from a crystallized view, resulted to pain that needs an end. Thus, before crystallizing, eliminate the confusions. It’s the key to the gate.

Ameera, as a character I’ve known, was a manifestation of confusion. Probably until now, wandering searching for the truth, at the same time, denying the truth upon her. I can’t blame her for things happened. It’s the system that fails to protect what’s right or wrong. The system of capitalism, for instance, only act as governing the materials provided to the people, left alone the aspect of spiritual in each one of them as individuals and yet, failed to integrate the understanding of life’s relation with the truth. All that matters was the end product, workers, maximum profit and so on. So there are thousands of confused and lonely souls. Lonely by means they’re lonely inside. Loners in the crowd. Including Ameera, the one I loved once.

During the process of knowing each other, we’ve managed to find a channel for us to hang out, a meet up place. I was introduce to a channel named KAFAN and there I was. Making friends with metallers locally. KAFAN was a channel where people that share the same interest in metal music. I remember the founder was Lee KingKafan from Terengganu, and lots of unique nicknames in the channel. Names such as ASADRA, lobe, inthewood, BLAKKHEIM, Pogie, Kafanaz, Blackdeathmetal, EvilPrincess, and names that I hardly remembered. A circle of friends wandering the net, chatting about music and share the same interest. I don’t know what happened to KAFAN now. Went there back there few months ago and non of the old-timers there. During those days, most of us were students and teenagers. That was 11 years ago. We met there and chat, and I introduced her to some of my friends there so that she can make friends and feel welcomed to the KAFAN family.

As time goes by, 1 day I was approached by a nickname Zachary. A guy from nowhere claimed to be her boyfriend. Stunned, though try to act cool, I cant accept that she’s with someone until now. I cant remember the details of our conversation. But 1 thing I remembered was he warned me to leave Ameera for good.

Tagtgren : Are u malay?

Zachary : No I’m not.

Tagtgren : Muslim?

Zachary : No.

Tagtgren : Then?

Zachary : I’m not with a race nor a religion

Tagtgren : Owh come on give me a break. Then what are you?

Zachary : Look, I’m gonna set things straight here. Just leave ameera alone. Ok? She’s mine. You know where she is and where she studied. So am i. 1 day I’m gonna take her to a place where you will never find her again, not in real nor in this IRC stuff. We’re going to get married and we’re gonna raise kids without race nor religion.

Tagtgren : Whats your name again?

Zachary : Zachary Daniel. I warned u. I know where you live man. Don’t force me to come right to your door step. You’re staying in kulim right? You still have your family right? Think about them. You choose. Ameera or your family.

– quit –

Then this guy went to the public chat in KAFAN and stayed there. Pretending nothing happened. I told a friend of mine, POGIE. Noticing there’s someone inside the channel trying to blackmail me. POGIE warned this guy and I remembered his words in the public

POGIE : To Zachary, I don’t know who you are and where you came from. But if you’re trying to mess up with anyone inside this channel, you’re messing the wrong place man. Get out or lets meet. I’LL WAIT YOU WITH A BASEBALL BAT IN MY HAND!!

That goes. I was there to chat with her and I end up meeting an atheist acting like a mob, warning me as I’ve done something wrong. If I knew all this while that she belongs to someone, I wouldn’t be so dumb to fall in love with her. Not my style taking what’s others. I admit, his words make me shattered. How in the world he got to know where I’m staying? Or it’s just someone trying to fool around. I can’t tell. I can just wait for her call to confirm everything.

That night she called. As expected, she would call. But its unexpected that she would start the conversation by crying. Crying like a child.

Tagtgren : Hey, whats wrong?

Ameera: You met him in the IRC right?

Tagtgren : Yeah. Who the hell is he anyway? You never told me you had a boyfriend,still.

Ameera : Why should i? He’s not my boyfriend!!

Tagtgren : Hah! He’s not your boyfriend, came out of nowhere and warned me as if he’s going to do something to me and my family?? Come on. Tell me. Don’t play games ok??

Ameera : He was my ex-boyfriend.

Tagtgren : Wait, wait. I’m confused here. He’s your ex. Where is he now? And how the heck he got to know where I’m staying?? Tell me from the start.

Ameera : I was with him before I moved to US. At that time he was 18 and I was 16. I loved him so much. He took care of me when my family was all scattered. I’m happy with him once. He’s my first love and I gave him all of me. He even kept the bed sheet where we first make love. When I moved down to US, He started to ignore me. I know he loved me but he likes to fool around with other girls. I cant take that. I thought we’re finished. That was 4 years ago you know.

Tagtgren : Yeah finished, and in a sudden, came out from nowhere and warned me bout you. That’s something.

Ameera. He’s rich you know. His father is a minister at you place back then. I cant remember his name. He’s the leader of a gang named Chicago Bears. The jerks like to rape girls at the back of their car. After clubbing, they’ll give some sleeping pills to the girls and gang rapes them.

Tagtgren : Well, that’s something ‘pleasant’ to hear. And how come he gets to know where I’m staying?

Ameera : He’s good in finding information. Maybe he got your address out of your ip address or something. I don’t know. Maybe his right hand man helped him.(I cant recall his name now)

Tagtgren : Owh boy. That’s something! What are you guys up to?? I doubt that all of these was just a trick or something. I’m being nice to you and now this?? Come on ameera. What is this?

Ameera : I’ve got nothing to do with this ok??!! Trust me! Sorry for getting you into this. Maybe we should end this! We shouldn’t have met at the first place!!

Tagtgren : Sorry.

Ameera : Not as sorry as I am. You should be careful. He’s screwed up. I’m worried he’d find you.

Tagtgren : It’s ok. Don’t worry bout me. I’ll be fine. I’ll take bout this with my friends. Maybe they’ll figure something out.

The next day I hang out with my friends. Band members of woebegonic zephyr. I brought up this matter. It concerns them.

Joe : I told you not to get into trouble.

Tagtgren : Hey, I did nothing ok. It’s all ok until this Zachary thing came out from nowhere.

Yusdi : You’re right. It’s not like you knew she belongs to someone and take her on purpose. Don’t worry man. He’s just trying to scare you off. If he did turn his face here, hey, it’s our place man. He wouldn’t dare to do anything here.

Tagtgren : I guess so.

Joe : You’re weird! There’s thousands of girls here in Malaysia, and you end up in love with someone from the other continent!! Hahahah.

Tagtgren : Weird it is man. Weird it is. Hahahaha. So, what’s our next playlist?

Sura : Guess we can start with our songs of tradition – still burning fire (pyogenesis), drowned maid (amorphis), from our own demo would be Fountain of Andalusia, Allegoric Rose in Malice, Darkfield, Of Earth and Thunder and closing is drown together (sentenced).

Yusdi : Hey!! You forgot my favourite song there!!!

Sura : What??

Yusdi : Majestic Tears!!! Arghhh.

Sura : Haha. Yeah yeah. Majestic tears.

That conversation ended my worries for a while. I don’t know what will happen next. I just hope that everything will be just fine. Reality? There are more things waiting up front. Yes. It’s the beginning of the end. To be continued…….

Scarlet memories of mine

Well. I think its time for me to continue back the story of someone that shares with me a lot about life and its content, on the other part of the world.Someone that i fall in love once. From Missouri, to Malaysia, seems quite impossible for a story to begin. Yet, nothing is impossible by the wills of The Almighty.

We had many conversations going on. From one night to another, we become fond to each other. We're attracted to each other by our differences, culture and way of life. We exchange thoughts and stories about life, music and stuffs. As always, she called me during odd hours. From there, i learned to gain my confidence in speaking english, though i know there are tons of grammatical errors. The heck. I don't bother much. I enjoyed learning indirectly rather than going to class and struggle half of your life in mastering english.As long as it serve the purpose of conversing and exchanging ideas, i think that would do.

She told me bout her friends there from malaysia. some of them that i hardly remember....such as zetty, rusty, and a snobbish couple ( seems like i've 'lost' their name then). her x-boyfriend zachary daniel and some other characters that i cant recall their names.Well, this story actually falls back during 1998...so i guess its past 12 years now...who can exactly remember the details of their life after 12 years right?

Zetty, a pious girl. She loves to recite a surah or ayat everyday. Which somehow attracts Ameera. Which somehow reminds her of her past. Through Zetty, she learned to recall her memories os herself being a muslim. She can now recite al-ikhlas...though like a child.

Rusty. Nice guy. I chatted with him once. just a short while. He said 'Owh, so you're the one that Ameera's been talking about here. Man, you're lucky!!! Few guys here are pushing their buts off just trying to get to her. Man, i wonder how you can get to 'hold' her though you guys never met and hell far away from each other'. I just dont know rusty. i just cant tell. well, at this moment of 2009, i wonder where are you now.

Snobbish couple. This couple, somehow annoys Ameera in everysingle thing. From Ameera, seems like the girls is jealous since Ameera always get to score in exams and assignments whereas the boyfriend, took her as girlfriend since he's deeply frustrated not able to get Ameera for himself. So its like this girl is just a replacement to show that now he's happy. Something like that. I can still recall it when Ameera let me listen to a handsfree conversation between Ameera and that snobbish boyfriend. He speaks brit slang and you have to know that the americans hated brits, their culture and their slangs. So while that guy's talking to Ameera with that brit slang, i heard Ameera said 'Stop using that slang. Stop it. Your brits this and that'. I cant remember the details of their conversation through the phone.

Then i remembered a character that cursed her while she's smoking outside on her yard. A guy with a religious look, with serban and beard...suddenly came to her and said 'You are going to hell. You smoking girl and dressed up with shorts".... And one day she asked me..Why are there various type of muslims? That guy is so annoying, just came to me and curse me like hell...and you, brought a different impression about Islam. Quite stunned. At that point, I said that Islam...has nothing to do with how their believers react. Some may act religiously, but not a true muslim. Some may look like not that pious, but really understand Islam and applied Islam in all aspects of life.

Series of incidents happened back then. And all that i can get to feel the incidents...not by seeing them...but only by listening through the phone all night long to what she had to share. ! night i remembered that she endlessly cried coz she got news that Zetty's been raped while she's waiting for a friend in her own car. And she's completely lost herself. Just by listening, i dont know how i can help. I dont know what to do. Jst by asking her to stay calm and leave everything to the police(like if they can help either...which we knew that they wont)At that very point, I came across to think, when was the last time rape cases been solved by the police? Or solving cases by the authorities are privileges for the elitist? People murdered, raped and taken their rights, brought upon the authorities, hence nothing can be done. Or just ‘sometimes’. Its either if the case is too easy for them to crack it, it might help. But among thousands of rape cases, who would care?? Who would possibly care? Or its just what we call it ‘destiny’….to rape and to be raped. I cant tell. I imagined if Zetty, was my sister. I don’t know how to react. In a world that people are fond to individualistic values. I can only imagine how pious person like her would face the reality. I heard Ameera said that she’d lost everything. Even lost her will to live. At this point, I hope that wherever Zetty is right now, I hope she’s been a better and a stronger person.

As readers might notice, most of the stories, I recalled it during the night. Sure thing. She called me every night. So for me, the story took place every night. Ameera, calling her name makes me feel something. Sometimes makes me question, if what happened through our relationship was real. Or she’s just another fake from the IRC chatting world. I cant tell. Only trust. It took me few years thinking if I should put this story of mine to public, or just let it die with me. Would this story share some morale or just another story after another story as part of life’s manifestation. You decide.

I remembered that 1 day we discussed bout Christianity. She wondered if Christianity is a true holy religion, why most of exorcism and paranormal disturbances, mostly happens in churches and cathedrals. Well, I know the answer. Triggering the thoughts into questioning is one thing. Realizing the ‘true belief’ is one thing. It never came across my mind that even in the west, there are such disturbances. We know normally disturbances and paranormal activities mostly happens in Asia since Asians love paranormal activities and still believe in paranormal activities or exorcism. She told me once that she move into a new house and the house itself was spooky and unexplainable things happening around. As for being a pious person, Zetty, her nature and love in reading the Quran, makes the place that they’re renting, at ‘peace’. “She hangs around the house those curvy wordings from the Quran. I’m glad I’m stayin with her”. She’d even ask me 1 thing that I still can remember it till today. “Why each time when I hear Azan or Zetty reading the Quran, I felt in total peace. Sometimes i cant stand the feelings inside, I cried. Why??” Once she was a muslim. That explains. Denying the truth will somehow shatter you inside. The truth will somehow breaks you when you’re in astray. The call from the truth will somehow makes you think again of the life you’re living now. The truth disturbs. It disturbs the dark inside so that there will be light, even a glimpse of it. No power on earth can deny the light. I told her that once she was a muslim. And its undeniable after years of living in hedonism, even a pagan would find ‘something’ to worship upon. “and you’re a muslim once. Its natural that people worship. You were presented with the truth. After years of denial, it came back to give you a warm call. Accept that ‘call’. “ I guess so” she replied.

Maybe in the next post, I’ll try to crack my memories out about the beginning of the unexpected end of this whole memories. Scarlet memories of mine.

4th-comeback after long time dead

After years of negligence and in search for truth, i'm back again. Nobody knows what happened in search for the truth. In search for the truth u might loose yourself to reality. Learning to understand yourself and what we're searching for in our entire life. I found that 'life' that i've been searching for. Years i'm not connected to the net. Guess i've lost portions of my memories of ameera and the story of our own. Though its tough, still i have the intention to share with others. When it comes to realizing what God can do, nothing is impossible. As impossible and whacky this story might be, still, it is not impossible to The Almighty. I know most of the memories faded, but i think this is the strangest and the most unforgetful experience i had, which i cant let go, and i need to write the whole story somewhere. It might not be as perfect as i planned years ago, still i'll share the essence of this unforgetful story i had in my life.

She started to call me day and night during odd hours which locally we dont make call at that time just to have a chat. 3am, 4am...which at time time, for me, waking up at that kinda hours would be sickening. It gets even sicker to realize that i started to liked her and have to wait for her call everynight! We talked and talked for hours, trying to know each other. Sharing our culture, our interests and of course, during that time, i was 18 and she was 21. what can youth like us talked and share over the phone except for tiny ideas that came from our own logical minds as teenagers. I still remember that night when she called....

ameera: u like politics?

TAGTGREN: i dont. i dont fancy politics. gives me headaches. (which i lied. i mean, i supported the National Front at that time)

ameera: u dont hate politics u know. its interesting. maybe you're too young to understand.

TAGTGREN: excuse me lil missy. cant be that young. i just dont like the way they do things u know.

ameera: whatever. hey, u like Nik Aziz? i love Nik Aziz.

TAGTGREN: i like Mahathir than Nik Aziz.

ameera: well, i dont like mahathir. i think Nik Aziz's cooler than Mahathir. mahathir's a bad person you know.

TAGTGREN: and how the hell u know that mahathir's a bad person anyway? u r far away from here and in a sudden u just say about someone u hardly know?

ameera: come on, we have lotsa malaysian students here. we shared our views in everrything. thats where i got to know bout mahathir, nik aziz and stuffs.

TAGTGREN:owh, ok.....

That was a portion of our conversation that i remembered that took place in 1998. U can see that at that time, teenagers have their own ideas and understanding towards certain things/issues...though not that crystalized. On the blinded side, i supported the National Front which oppressed people to the skin dramatically. On the other side of the wall, ameera supported the 'opposing man' by only gathering data from her malaysian friends there in Missouri.

Funny. that time i was 18. 9 years ago. within 2 or 3 years people evolve, change and revolt. Within 3 years u can hardly know your own old pal from secondary school. Not by look...maybe not that much...but from the idealism that we have. some may choose to stay stagnant. Not too bothered with changes. some, might get bored with the idealism that he had before and choose to peek something new.

I learned something from ameera. Though her minds were bend and moulded by the harshness of liberalism, she manages to break the boundaries of 'holy&divine beings' that we, the malays and malaysians had. There is not such thing as fear in discussing about almost everything!God, sex,politics,religion,stupid stories etc. Almost everything. 1998, which the year that youth like us were still searching the real ideology and idealism to fight for, i found 'anarchy'. talking and discussing about almost everything and giving ideas and personal opinion, was the best thing to do. The best thing that we liberally think,are doing the right thing. which we are not. For so many years since independence, we've been spoonfed by the ideas of liberalism. and liberalism that we had, most of the time manage to cross the boundaries of Islam as the ideology, provided by The Creator.

I remembered another dialog i had with ameera about darwinism and his theory of evolution. Subtopic was darwinism whereas in more general view, the roots idea was liberalism itself......

ameera: do you believe in God?

TAGTGREN: of course i believe in god. i'm a muslim. what do you expect?

ameera: well, i believe in darwinism. i believe that things exists on its own. we exists from evolution.

TAGTGREN: i thought u're a muslim. arent you?

ameera: no. i'm a free thinker. u know what is free thinker?

TAGTGREN: no i dont. this is the first time i heard that term.

ameera: free thinkers are people that believe the earth exist on its own.

TAGTGREN: your name is ameera nartika scarlet. and how come u're a free thinker? from your name...u should be a muslim.

ameera: well, my mom was a chinese convert to muslim. My father is a malay. They came from sungai petani kedah. After marriage, my parents moved to U.S coz my father is a lecturer in sociology and anthropology. So he studied religion, culture and stuffs. 1 day he was assigned to a australia for his research. After few weeks he came back...with bible and crucifix in his hands and he said to my mom 'come on. lets move to U.K. i want to study christianity. My mom went mad. she said ' are you out of your mind? i converted to islam and now u want me to convert to christian? what's wrong with you?' they had a big fight that night. My mom decided to have a divorce and go back to malaysia. As for me, i was never a treated fairly by my mom. she loved my sister more than me. So i decided to stay here in U.S with my dad. after my mom went back to malaysia, my dad convert to christian, married an african american and moved out from the house. Since then, i stayed, lived and survived on my own and at the age of 17 i've decided to be a free thinker.

TAGTGREN: sorry to hear that. so that explains. emmm...i've something to share with u. 1 day, i bought a fan. a d.i.y desk fan. when i arrived home, i want to assemble that fan. But i cant believe my eyes when the fan and its components just popped out from the box and assembled on its own. amazing isnt it?

ameera: hahahah. are u crazy? kamu ini bodohla. mana ada kipas boleh terpasang sendiri?

TAGTGREN: and why u said i'm stupid? if u cant believe the fact that the desk fan assembled on its own...how can u accept the fact and theory of darwinism that the earth exists on its own? the must be a creator. right?

ameera: hey!! why you!! emm...i guess so. what's your age again? i dont believe that you're 18. u sounded like you're 28.

From that conversation, she started to gain interest towards Islam.Thank God. Not a pious person, but then, i felt that i'm responsible to get her back where she 'belongs'.

3rd-the story continues...

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2nd-The first time....

Once we were roaming wild as teenagers, chatting and fooling around. Getting to know new people, flirting and having fun. As one fine day I saw someone with the nick “Ameera”, chatting on her own in one of the major channels in IRC. Talking and mumbling alone to herself.

Ameera: hi all….how are u guysss….yuhuuuuuu…anybody hereeeeeeeee…
Ameera: why is nobody answering?…where are you guys. Hellooooo….

Looking at this tickling scenario, which of course nobody will chat in the major channels, unless for private channels…I went on clicking her name and start the conversation.

TAGTGREN: hi, age/sex/location?

Ameera: hi, 21, female, United States

TAGTGREN: ok then. Take care. I thought you’re locals.

Ameera: Wait..wait. you haven’t introduce yourself yet.

TAGTGREN: 18/male/Malaysia, kedah

Ameera: kedah?..northern part of Malaysia right?]

TAGTGREN: Yup.

Ameera: I love kedah people. They are nice. Can I have your phone number?

TAGTGREN: You want to call from US? Are you nuts or something? Or are you from
Ulu Selangor instead of United States that you proclaimed.

Ameera: It’s ok. My dad will pay the bills for me.

TAGTGREN: 04-4893597

Ameera: Thanks! Call u later.

TAGTGREN: You’re welcome! (hope you’re not fooling around)

As an 18 year old boy at that time, nothing’s special at that time. My only world was the internet, music and my circle of friends. We had a world of our own. A world that we’re so proud with. To lay down and stay low within the underground music movement. Being rebellions through musical instruments, lyrical expressions and unearthly music of sober, woes and sadness. Of course at that time, love was something out of the questions. At times when Internet and IRC was booming all around Asean countries and kids went crazy chatting around from dusk until dawn, repeating in cycles. Making a lot of friends from the country wide, its fun! Adults wouldn’t understand our world at that time. But like I said previously, this Internet thing helped me change a lot. I was never a speaker or an oralist like I am now (as what claimed by friends). Was never with the confidence that I might at least have the power to speak and embrace myself to the world that I can speak and introduce myself to the outside world. My world was only the Internet and the underground world. Amongst the circle of friends that shares the same ideas, music and ideologies.

On that very day, Friday which I can never recall the exact date and it happened in 1998. I was about to go out and hangout with my band mates at out favorite mamak stall, the phone rang. I’m totally forgot about the lady that I’ve chatted before. She was never in my mind’s list that she would call. Of course all ladies, girls and babes expect guys to make the move and call. I was only expecting ys-diablo, our band’s bass player, that would make the call, reminding me our hangout time before Friday prayer. Then….

TAGTGREN: Hello.

Ameera: Hi….

TAGTGREN: Who is it?

Ameera: Its me, ameera. We chatted just now remember?

TAGTGREN: Oh, yeah!! Kak Meera. Apa Khabar? Dah berapa lama di U.S?
(yes my sister. How are you? How long have you been studying in US?)

Ameera: Sorry. Ssaa…yaaa…ttak…ppp andaaaiiii cakap Melayu. Tapi ss aaayaa bbolehh
belajar.

TAGTGREN: Ok. Sorry then. I thought you’re Malaysian furthering your studies there.

Ameera: No..no. I’m U.S citizen. I’m studying in the University of Missouri. Taking
journalism.

TAGTGREN: U.S citizen? But your name, sounds like a Malay. You’re mix?

Ameera: Yup.

TAGTGREN: Where do you come from actually?

Ameera: It’s a long story. Can you hold for a while, I want to close the window.

TAGTGREN: Go ahead.

Ameera: Done. What’s your age again?

TAGTGREN: 18. And you’re 21 right?

Ameera: Yup. You’re still young.

TAGTGREN: Maybe.

Ameera: Maybe what? You’re still young indeed. Can I ask you something?

TAGTGREN: I beg your pardon please. Can you repeat?

Ameera: HAHAHAH. You don’t need to be so polite. If you cant get what I’m trying to
say, just ask again and say ‘what?’ hahahah.

TAGTGREN: okay then. What’s the thing that you want to ask me then.

Ameera: Are you….you’re still a virgin?

TAGTGREN: Of course I am! What a silly question. What do you expect then.

Ameera: Really?? Come on. You’re kidding me. If you’re in the U.S, your friends will
laugh at you. You’re considered naïve here. Bodoh la kamu ni. Hahaha

TAGTGREN: Hahaha. What the hell are you laughing about? Why am I considered naïve
when I’m still a virgin? In Malaysia and for the Muslims, it’s a pride for
us. It’s a responsibility for us to taking care of our virginity.

Ameera: Yeah but if you still haven’t had the sexual experience, you’re not grown up
enough. People will laugh at you little boy.

TAGTGREN: Life experience does not indicate that you must have sex to be experience
and be a grown up. Its how you direct your life that counts. If most of U.S
people bathe dirt as a common practice, are you obliged to do that? I don’t
think so. And because of that, you’re called ‘naïve’? Who’s being naïve?
Those who stand for their belief or those who blindly follow others and
accept that as something common? Malaysia is a country that most of the
populations are Muslims. As Muslims, we have our sets of rules and
regulations, that we’re told not to do this and that, and to do this and that
because of strong reasons. Not just unproven facts or myths.

Ameera: Hmmm…..by the way, what’s your age again? 18 or 28, hahaha.

TAGTGREN: U said just now u want to close the window. Whats the time now there in
US?

Ameera: Whats the time there in Kedah?

TAGTGREN: 10.30am. Yours?

Ameera: 6.30pm. its getting dark and cold. When can I call you again?

TAGTGREN: I don’t know. U can call me anytime. But I prefer during the night, which I
think its daytime at your place. Night will be more convenient since my parents don’t speak English well, and they’re all sleeping at that time. By the way my friend is here. I’ve to go now. We always hangout together. Are you seriously want to call me again next time?

Ameera: I’m not promising anything. We’ll see. Take care, bye. Hey! Send my regards to
your friend.

TAGTGREN: Sure! Bye. Click.

Owh man! I am so confused!. I’ve talked to a U.S citizen just now, a babe and there I was. I’ve a new friend. And what’s more ‘cool’ is that she’s from U.S!!! hahaha. Got to tell my friends bout this…..

1st episode-lady in red

Most of us will somehow relate ourselves with any lyrics available out there. Be it love song lyrics, depressive lyrics, motivational lyrics or whatsoever that ever exists. well,...lady in red was one of the songs...that reminds me of someone. Someone was once, so important to me.
It was...something 'eerie' and funny to realize that you're in love with someone that u never met, seen, touch,..or smell.., and it all heppened here.in this thing that we call the internet.i myself dont really get to trust this kind of net relation until i bumped into one, myself.
Some of the people out there may never expect an extraordinary tragedy would happen in their lives. Be it things that cherish us with joy and hope...or something that would really pull us down to the ground and at times when we sometimes spiritually made the decision to 'quit' our lives instantly.
The lyrics i picked from eric clapton and 1 of my fave metal band, sentenced...shows a huge difference of hatred. yet somehow it relates to only 1 specific cause, LOVE. in representing my perception towards past experience of it, these 2 excellent lyrics shows it all. still, i'm not that cruel.....anybody..everybody if been given the chance to make things up better again, would do anything to have that option..again.i do. But for me, it was something..impossible.
Lady in Red, the most tragic love story i've ever bumped into...and yet..without an open mind, it would be nothing but fantasy. but as for the only person that had faced it before, with a circle of friends, its real. i can bet my life...its real.
Life itself, a void that exist extremely msyerious for humans to describe. Death, on the other hand, another form of existence which co-relates with the practical life, and essence of spiritual and physical of mankind. But when things occured, particularly in life......it looks so vivid and yet remain unexplained. Imagine that 5 minutes ago all of us were laughing out loud and yet in a sudden we heard news upon death of our love ones. And nobody can describe how we eventually believe that we're breathing the air...whereas we have never seen the 'air' physically. Though when you put yourself in a plastic bag and choke yourself, then you'll know how important air is...eventhough we cant even see, touch or feel its presence.
So i'd say that that when it comes to concluding anybody's story which on earth sounds so ridiculously lying, think again...re-thinking again of everysingle thing that surrounds us nowadays, nothing is logical. again...NOTHING, is logical.

Her name was Ameera Nartika Scarlet Abdullah Ameer.....