Friday, December 26, 2008

4th-comeback after long time dead

After years of negligence and in search for truth, i'm back again. Nobody knows what happened in search for the truth. In search for the truth u might loose yourself to reality. Learning to understand yourself and what we're searching for in our entire life. I found that 'life' that i've been searching for. Years i'm not connected to the net. Guess i've lost portions of my memories of ameera and the story of our own. Though its tough, still i have the intention to share with others. When it comes to realizing what God can do, nothing is impossible. As impossible and whacky this story might be, still, it is not impossible to The Almighty. I know most of the memories faded, but i think this is the strangest and the most unforgetful experience i had, which i cant let go, and i need to write the whole story somewhere. It might not be as perfect as i planned years ago, still i'll share the essence of this unforgetful story i had in my life.

She started to call me day and night during odd hours which locally we dont make call at that time just to have a chat. 3am, 4am...which at time time, for me, waking up at that kinda hours would be sickening. It gets even sicker to realize that i started to liked her and have to wait for her call everynight! We talked and talked for hours, trying to know each other. Sharing our culture, our interests and of course, during that time, i was 18 and she was 21. what can youth like us talked and share over the phone except for tiny ideas that came from our own logical minds as teenagers. I still remember that night when she called....

ameera: u like politics?

TAGTGREN: i dont. i dont fancy politics. gives me headaches. (which i lied. i mean, i supported the National Front at that time)

ameera: u dont hate politics u know. its interesting. maybe you're too young to understand.

TAGTGREN: excuse me lil missy. cant be that young. i just dont like the way they do things u know.

ameera: whatever. hey, u like Nik Aziz? i love Nik Aziz.

TAGTGREN: i like Mahathir than Nik Aziz.

ameera: well, i dont like mahathir. i think Nik Aziz's cooler than Mahathir. mahathir's a bad person you know.

TAGTGREN: and how the hell u know that mahathir's a bad person anyway? u r far away from here and in a sudden u just say about someone u hardly know?

ameera: come on, we have lotsa malaysian students here. we shared our views in everrything. thats where i got to know bout mahathir, nik aziz and stuffs.

TAGTGREN:owh, ok.....

That was a portion of our conversation that i remembered that took place in 1998. U can see that at that time, teenagers have their own ideas and understanding towards certain things/issues...though not that crystalized. On the blinded side, i supported the National Front which oppressed people to the skin dramatically. On the other side of the wall, ameera supported the 'opposing man' by only gathering data from her malaysian friends there in Missouri.

Funny. that time i was 18. 9 years ago. within 2 or 3 years people evolve, change and revolt. Within 3 years u can hardly know your own old pal from secondary school. Not by look...maybe not that much...but from the idealism that we have. some may choose to stay stagnant. Not too bothered with changes. some, might get bored with the idealism that he had before and choose to peek something new.

I learned something from ameera. Though her minds were bend and moulded by the harshness of liberalism, she manages to break the boundaries of 'holy&divine beings' that we, the malays and malaysians had. There is not such thing as fear in discussing about almost everything!God, sex,politics,religion,stupid stories etc. Almost everything. 1998, which the year that youth like us were still searching the real ideology and idealism to fight for, i found 'anarchy'. talking and discussing about almost everything and giving ideas and personal opinion, was the best thing to do. The best thing that we liberally think,are doing the right thing. which we are not. For so many years since independence, we've been spoonfed by the ideas of liberalism. and liberalism that we had, most of the time manage to cross the boundaries of Islam as the ideology, provided by The Creator.

I remembered another dialog i had with ameera about darwinism and his theory of evolution. Subtopic was darwinism whereas in more general view, the roots idea was liberalism itself......

ameera: do you believe in God?

TAGTGREN: of course i believe in god. i'm a muslim. what do you expect?

ameera: well, i believe in darwinism. i believe that things exists on its own. we exists from evolution.

TAGTGREN: i thought u're a muslim. arent you?

ameera: no. i'm a free thinker. u know what is free thinker?

TAGTGREN: no i dont. this is the first time i heard that term.

ameera: free thinkers are people that believe the earth exist on its own.

TAGTGREN: your name is ameera nartika scarlet. and how come u're a free thinker? from your name...u should be a muslim.

ameera: well, my mom was a chinese convert to muslim. My father is a malay. They came from sungai petani kedah. After marriage, my parents moved to U.S coz my father is a lecturer in sociology and anthropology. So he studied religion, culture and stuffs. 1 day he was assigned to a australia for his research. After few weeks he came back...with bible and crucifix in his hands and he said to my mom 'come on. lets move to U.K. i want to study christianity. My mom went mad. she said ' are you out of your mind? i converted to islam and now u want me to convert to christian? what's wrong with you?' they had a big fight that night. My mom decided to have a divorce and go back to malaysia. As for me, i was never a treated fairly by my mom. she loved my sister more than me. So i decided to stay here in U.S with my dad. after my mom went back to malaysia, my dad convert to christian, married an african american and moved out from the house. Since then, i stayed, lived and survived on my own and at the age of 17 i've decided to be a free thinker.

TAGTGREN: sorry to hear that. so that explains. emmm...i've something to share with u. 1 day, i bought a fan. a d.i.y desk fan. when i arrived home, i want to assemble that fan. But i cant believe my eyes when the fan and its components just popped out from the box and assembled on its own. amazing isnt it?

ameera: hahahah. are u crazy? kamu ini bodohla. mana ada kipas boleh terpasang sendiri?

TAGTGREN: and why u said i'm stupid? if u cant believe the fact that the desk fan assembled on its can u accept the fact and theory of darwinism that the earth exists on its own? the must be a creator. right?

ameera: hey!! why you!! emm...i guess so. what's your age again? i dont believe that you're 18. u sounded like you're 28.

From that conversation, she started to gain interest towards Islam.Thank God. Not a pious person, but then, i felt that i'm responsible to get her back where she 'belongs'.