Scarlet : the beginning of the end

Scarlet : the beginning of the end

When we talk about life, things were not always thus. Things were not always end as what we expected. It goes to how you end up your life with your career now. It goes to how you end up your plans for the future and without exception, how it ends up your love relations and friendship. Back then, I didn’t hope for something between us. Just wondering how on earth this relation will end to be. We can never expect that we will have the marriage that we always wanted. We will never expect our vision would always be the same as 10 years ago. We would never expect how and who we turn to be, other than we expected. Every story has it end. At this chapter, it’s just the beginning how everything would really end. I did not expect to fall for someone from a far. And I did not expect that things will go ‘this’ way, as you will understand it when you read further of what I’ve written below. Not like a bolly nor Hollywood story where things will always be ‘heroes always win the battle’. Stories, histories, aren’t told only about winning the battle. Sometimes it acts as guidance. Sometimes loosing a bit, was part of winning the big. I’ve been through the process. Falling and failing for the 8^th time recently. Frustrated? Sorrow? Those, I believe are words of failures and confusion. Life goes on. People come and go. People live and die. Giving up and suicide? Out of the context. Life is hell, and beautiful. It’s hell when you make one. It’s beautiful when you make one. Is it fair just to be beautiful just between the lovers and hell for others? That’s selfish. Why not, making the world beautiful for all f us? It is worth to enjoy the beauty of life just the two of you? Or is it heavenly beautiful to make life, a beauty enjoyed amongst all? We can choose to be selfish. We can choose to be those who struggle for others. Pain of struggling for others, are the virtues of beauty shared amongst others that need. Joy of ignorance, are virtues of suffering. As people, we’re often confused with joy and pain. Looking the world around us from our own ego-centric individualistic views, brought us joy. But looking ad understanding the world from a crystallized view, resulted to pain that needs an end. Thus, before crystallizing, eliminate the confusions. It’s the key to the gate.

Ameera, as a character I’ve known, was a manifestation of confusion. Probably until now, wandering searching for the truth, at the same time, denying the truth upon her. I can’t blame her for things happened. It’s the system that fails to protect what’s right or wrong. The system of capitalism, for instance, only act as governing the materials provided to the people, left alone the aspect of spiritual in each one of them as individuals and yet, failed to integrate the understanding of life’s relation with the truth. All that matters was the end product, workers, maximum profit and so on. So there are thousands of confused and lonely souls. Lonely by means they’re lonely inside. Loners in the crowd. Including Ameera, the one I loved once.

During the process of knowing each other, we’ve managed to find a channel for us to hang out, a meet up place. I was introduce to a channel named KAFAN and there I was. Making friends with metallers locally. KAFAN was a channel where people that share the same interest in metal music. I remember the founder was Lee KingKafan from Terengganu, and lots of unique nicknames in the channel. Names such as ASADRA, lobe, inthewood, BLAKKHEIM, Pogie, Kafanaz, Blackdeathmetal, EvilPrincess, and names that I hardly remembered. A circle of friends wandering the net, chatting about music and share the same interest. I don’t know what happened to KAFAN now. Went there back there few months ago and non of the old-timers there. During those days, most of us were students and teenagers. That was 11 years ago. We met there and chat, and I introduced her to some of my friends there so that she can make friends and feel welcomed to the KAFAN family.

As time goes by, 1 day I was approached by a nickname Zachary. A guy from nowhere claimed to be her boyfriend. Stunned, though try to act cool, I cant accept that she’s with someone until now. I cant remember the details of our conversation. But 1 thing I remembered was he warned me to leave Ameera for good.

Tagtgren : Are u malay?

Zachary : No I’m not.

Tagtgren : Muslim?

Zachary : No.

Tagtgren : Then?

Zachary : I’m not with a race nor a religion

Tagtgren : Owh come on give me a break. Then what are you?

Zachary : Look, I’m gonna set things straight here. Just leave ameera alone. Ok? She’s mine. You know where she is and where she studied. So am i. 1 day I’m gonna take her to a place where you will never find her again, not in real nor in this IRC stuff. We’re going to get married and we’re gonna raise kids without race nor religion.

Tagtgren : Whats your name again?

Zachary : Zachary Daniel. I warned u. I know where you live man. Don’t force me to come right to your door step. You’re staying in kulim right? You still have your family right? Think about them. You choose. Ameera or your family.

– quit –

Then this guy went to the public chat in KAFAN and stayed there. Pretending nothing happened. I told a friend of mine, POGIE. Noticing there’s someone inside the channel trying to blackmail me. POGIE warned this guy and I remembered his words in the public

POGIE : To Zachary, I don’t know who you are and where you came from. But if you’re trying to mess up with anyone inside this channel, you’re messing the wrong place man. Get out or lets meet. I’LL WAIT YOU WITH A BASEBALL BAT IN MY HAND!!

That goes. I was there to chat with her and I end up meeting an atheist acting like a mob, warning me as I’ve done something wrong. If I knew all this while that she belongs to someone, I wouldn’t be so dumb to fall in love with her. Not my style taking what’s others. I admit, his words make me shattered. How in the world he got to know where I’m staying? Or it’s just someone trying to fool around. I can’t tell. I can just wait for her call to confirm everything.

That night she called. As expected, she would call. But its unexpected that she would start the conversation by crying. Crying like a child.

Tagtgren : Hey, whats wrong?

Ameera: You met him in the IRC right?

Tagtgren : Yeah. Who the hell is he anyway? You never told me you had a boyfriend,still.

Ameera : Why should i? He’s not my boyfriend!!

Tagtgren : Hah! He’s not your boyfriend, came out of nowhere and warned me as if he’s going to do something to me and my family?? Come on. Tell me. Don’t play games ok??

Ameera : He was my ex-boyfriend.

Tagtgren : Wait, wait. I’m confused here. He’s your ex. Where is he now? And how the heck he got to know where I’m staying?? Tell me from the start.

Ameera : I was with him before I moved to US. At that time he was 18 and I was 16. I loved him so much. He took care of me when my family was all scattered. I’m happy with him once. He’s my first love and I gave him all of me. He even kept the bed sheet where we first make love. When I moved down to US, He started to ignore me. I know he loved me but he likes to fool around with other girls. I cant take that. I thought we’re finished. That was 4 years ago you know.

Tagtgren : Yeah finished, and in a sudden, came out from nowhere and warned me bout you. That’s something.

Ameera. He’s rich you know. His father is a minister at you place back then. I cant remember his name. He’s the leader of a gang named Chicago Bears. The jerks like to rape girls at the back of their car. After clubbing, they’ll give some sleeping pills to the girls and gang rapes them.

Tagtgren : Well, that’s something ‘pleasant’ to hear. And how come he gets to know where I’m staying?

Ameera : He’s good in finding information. Maybe he got your address out of your ip address or something. I don’t know. Maybe his right hand man helped him.(I cant recall his name now)

Tagtgren : Owh boy. That’s something! What are you guys up to?? I doubt that all of these was just a trick or something. I’m being nice to you and now this?? Come on ameera. What is this?

Ameera : I’ve got nothing to do with this ok??!! Trust me! Sorry for getting you into this. Maybe we should end this! We shouldn’t have met at the first place!!

Tagtgren : Sorry.

Ameera : Not as sorry as I am. You should be careful. He’s screwed up. I’m worried he’d find you.

Tagtgren : It’s ok. Don’t worry bout me. I’ll be fine. I’ll take bout this with my friends. Maybe they’ll figure something out.

The next day I hang out with my friends. Band members of woebegonic zephyr. I brought up this matter. It concerns them.

Joe : I told you not to get into trouble.

Tagtgren : Hey, I did nothing ok. It’s all ok until this Zachary thing came out from nowhere.

Yusdi : You’re right. It’s not like you knew she belongs to someone and take her on purpose. Don’t worry man. He’s just trying to scare you off. If he did turn his face here, hey, it’s our place man. He wouldn’t dare to do anything here.

Tagtgren : I guess so.

Joe : You’re weird! There’s thousands of girls here in Malaysia, and you end up in love with someone from the other continent!! Hahahah.

Tagtgren : Weird it is man. Weird it is. Hahahaha. So, what’s our next playlist?

Sura : Guess we can start with our songs of tradition – still burning fire (pyogenesis), drowned maid (amorphis), from our own demo would be Fountain of Andalusia, Allegoric Rose in Malice, Darkfield, Of Earth and Thunder and closing is drown together (sentenced).

Yusdi : Hey!! You forgot my favourite song there!!!

Sura : What??

Yusdi : Majestic Tears!!! Arghhh.

Sura : Haha. Yeah yeah. Majestic tears.

That conversation ended my worries for a while. I don’t know what will happen next. I just hope that everything will be just fine. Reality? There are more things waiting up front. Yes. It’s the beginning of the end. To be continued…….