Scarlet memories of mine

Well. I think its time for me to continue back the story of someone that shares with me a lot about life and its content, on the other part of the world.Someone that i fall in love once. From Missouri, to Malaysia, seems quite impossible for a story to begin. Yet, nothing is impossible by the wills of The Almighty.

We had many conversations going on. From one night to another, we become fond to each other. We're attracted to each other by our differences, culture and way of life. We exchange thoughts and stories about life, music and stuffs. As always, she called me during odd hours. From there, i learned to gain my confidence in speaking english, though i know there are tons of grammatical errors. The heck. I don't bother much. I enjoyed learning indirectly rather than going to class and struggle half of your life in mastering english.As long as it serve the purpose of conversing and exchanging ideas, i think that would do.

She told me bout her friends there from malaysia. some of them that i hardly remember....such as zetty, rusty, and a snobbish couple ( seems like i've 'lost' their name then). her x-boyfriend zachary daniel and some other characters that i cant recall their names.Well, this story actually falls back during 1998...so i guess its past 12 years now...who can exactly remember the details of their life after 12 years right?

Zetty, a pious girl. She loves to recite a surah or ayat everyday. Which somehow attracts Ameera. Which somehow reminds her of her past. Through Zetty, she learned to recall her memories os herself being a muslim. She can now recite al-ikhlas...though like a child.

Rusty. Nice guy. I chatted with him once. just a short while. He said 'Owh, so you're the one that Ameera's been talking about here. Man, you're lucky!!! Few guys here are pushing their buts off just trying to get to her. Man, i wonder how you can get to 'hold' her though you guys never met and hell far away from each other'. I just dont know rusty. i just cant tell. well, at this moment of 2009, i wonder where are you now.

Snobbish couple. This couple, somehow annoys Ameera in everysingle thing. From Ameera, seems like the girls is jealous since Ameera always get to score in exams and assignments whereas the boyfriend, took her as girlfriend since he's deeply frustrated not able to get Ameera for himself. So its like this girl is just a replacement to show that now he's happy. Something like that. I can still recall it when Ameera let me listen to a handsfree conversation between Ameera and that snobbish boyfriend. He speaks brit slang and you have to know that the americans hated brits, their culture and their slangs. So while that guy's talking to Ameera with that brit slang, i heard Ameera said 'Stop using that slang. Stop it. Your brits this and that'. I cant remember the details of their conversation through the phone.

Then i remembered a character that cursed her while she's smoking outside on her yard. A guy with a religious look, with serban and beard...suddenly came to her and said 'You are going to hell. You smoking girl and dressed up with shorts".... And one day she asked me..Why are there various type of muslims? That guy is so annoying, just came to me and curse me like hell...and you, brought a different impression about Islam. Quite stunned. At that point, I said that Islam...has nothing to do with how their believers react. Some may act religiously, but not a true muslim. Some may look like not that pious, but really understand Islam and applied Islam in all aspects of life.

Series of incidents happened back then. And all that i can get to feel the incidents...not by seeing them...but only by listening through the phone all night long to what she had to share. ! night i remembered that she endlessly cried coz she got news that Zetty's been raped while she's waiting for a friend in her own car. And she's completely lost herself. Just by listening, i dont know how i can help. I dont know what to do. Jst by asking her to stay calm and leave everything to the police(like if they can help either...which we knew that they wont)At that very point, I came across to think, when was the last time rape cases been solved by the police? Or solving cases by the authorities are privileges for the elitist? People murdered, raped and taken their rights, brought upon the authorities, hence nothing can be done. Or just ‘sometimes’. Its either if the case is too easy for them to crack it, it might help. But among thousands of rape cases, who would care?? Who would possibly care? Or its just what we call it ‘destiny’….to rape and to be raped. I cant tell. I imagined if Zetty, was my sister. I don’t know how to react. In a world that people are fond to individualistic values. I can only imagine how pious person like her would face the reality. I heard Ameera said that she’d lost everything. Even lost her will to live. At this point, I hope that wherever Zetty is right now, I hope she’s been a better and a stronger person.

As readers might notice, most of the stories, I recalled it during the night. Sure thing. She called me every night. So for me, the story took place every night. Ameera, calling her name makes me feel something. Sometimes makes me question, if what happened through our relationship was real. Or she’s just another fake from the IRC chatting world. I cant tell. Only trust. It took me few years thinking if I should put this story of mine to public, or just let it die with me. Would this story share some morale or just another story after another story as part of life’s manifestation. You decide.

I remembered that 1 day we discussed bout Christianity. She wondered if Christianity is a true holy religion, why most of exorcism and paranormal disturbances, mostly happens in churches and cathedrals. Well, I know the answer. Triggering the thoughts into questioning is one thing. Realizing the ‘true belief’ is one thing. It never came across my mind that even in the west, there are such disturbances. We know normally disturbances and paranormal activities mostly happens in Asia since Asians love paranormal activities and still believe in paranormal activities or exorcism. She told me once that she move into a new house and the house itself was spooky and unexplainable things happening around. As for being a pious person, Zetty, her nature and love in reading the Quran, makes the place that they’re renting, at ‘peace’. “She hangs around the house those curvy wordings from the Quran. I’m glad I’m stayin with her”. She’d even ask me 1 thing that I still can remember it till today. “Why each time when I hear Azan or Zetty reading the Quran, I felt in total peace. Sometimes i cant stand the feelings inside, I cried. Why??” Once she was a muslim. That explains. Denying the truth will somehow shatter you inside. The truth will somehow breaks you when you’re in astray. The call from the truth will somehow makes you think again of the life you’re living now. The truth disturbs. It disturbs the dark inside so that there will be light, even a glimpse of it. No power on earth can deny the light. I told her that once she was a muslim. And its undeniable after years of living in hedonism, even a pagan would find ‘something’ to worship upon. “and you’re a muslim once. Its natural that people worship. You were presented with the truth. After years of denial, it came back to give you a warm call. Accept that ‘call’. “ I guess so” she replied.

Maybe in the next post, I’ll try to crack my memories out about the beginning of the unexpected end of this whole memories. Scarlet memories of mine.